Santacon takes place in major cities all over the world involving tens of thousands of Santa’s. It is a non-profit, non-political, non-religious & non-sensical, non-logical celebration of holiday cheer, goodwill, and fun.
There is no good reason to dress up in cheap Santa suits, run around town, give gifts, sing songs, have strangers sit on our laps, and decide who is naughty or nice -- but it's a lot of fun -- so Santa does it anyway. Everyone loves Santa and Santa loves everyone! Santacon is your chance to be Santa, so step up and be jolly.
Santa's Rules and Etiquette:
- Santa looks like Santa. HOLIDAY APPAREL IS MANDATORY.
A Santa hat is not enough. Get a Santa suit. Buy a Santa suit. Make a Santa suit. Steal a Santa suit. Get creative: be a Secret Santa, a Santasaurus, Candy-cane, a Reindeer, a Chanukah Chicken, a goddamn latke, Stewardess Santa, Knight Rider Santa, Crusty Peace Punk Santa, the occasional Legless Reindeer, Chanukah Squirrel, Emo-Elf, or the Santichrist.
- Just don't wear your fucking jeans.
- Santa acts like Santa. Be jolly. Belly-laugh. Let people sit on your lap. Give out gifts.
- Santa doesn't get arrested - be responsible (Don't be 'that' Santa)
- Come to mingle, jingle, and celebrate the holiday season
- Santa loves reindeer games and stripper poles
- Santa doesn't seek media attention. "Ho-ho-ho" is good. "Publicity ho" is lame.
Please remember to follow the Four Fucks of Santarchy
- DON'T FUCK WITH THE COPS. If the cops tell you to do something, DO IT. If you want to get busted, do it when you and I aren't dressed the same.
- DON'T FUCK WITH STORE SECURITY. If they ask you to leave a store, get the hell out and be nice about it, or other Santas will take shit for it. Besides, they might call the cops and then we're dealing with the first fuck.
- DON'T FUCK WITH LITTLE KIDS. I'm serious, this is supposed to be fun. Holidays are unpleasant enough for kids these days. If we can't brighten it at least we can be one less worry for them. If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or something pleasant. Remember: The kids of today are the weirdoes of tomorrow.
- DON'T FUCK WITH SANTA I just might puke on your suit, you damned impostor.
How we deal with the public is very simple: The answer is Santa.
Who's in charge? SANTA
Who are you with? SANTA
What organization are you with? SANTA
Who organized this? SANTA
Where did you get the buses? SANTA
Who's that woman? SANTA
Who's that guy? SANTA
How did you get here? A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer.
There are always folks who figure honesty is the best policy and that's fine. The aforementioned statements are true. Well, the last one is a stretch for some but what the hey.
Do not quote a web address.
Do not point out someone.
Do not give out a name.
Do not supply an e-mail address.
Do not hand out a phone number.
Remember: Dumb stares are easy. If you can't be clever, don't be a rat. Heck, who put you in charge anyway? You don't know anything. You just showed up in your Santa suit because the voices in your head told you to. People work hard to pull this shit together. The least you can do is act dumb and cover their butt in case of trouble.
Questions and Answers:
"Why are you all dressed up like Santa?"
- "It's CHRIIIISTMAAAAS. We're SAAAANTA." said kinda slowly with lots of emphasis like the person to whom you're talking is mildly retarded.
- Why aren't you?
- Didn't you get the memo?
- Because our gorilla suits are in the laundry.
- Or, if we happen to be at a market, "Well, we came all this way for some oranges... we have terrible produce up at the north pole and all the elves have scurvy."
- I decided to leave my Salvation Army job and join a gang
- I have a Santa fetish.
- What? Who? (Turn around, act surprised to see a bunch of Santas) - Oh, shit!
- I'm only allowed to tell you if you dress like Santa.
- To mollify a deep-seated neurosis.
- This is a pick-up location for day labor Santas.
- We're undercover. I'd leave the area if I were you.
- I don't know who these impostors are but they're following me everywhere.
- I hope I'm not the first to tell you this, but you know Santa Claus isn't real, right?
- What Santas? I don't see anyone else dressed like this. You must be hallucinating. Better knock off the cough medicine.
- I don't know about those guys, but this is what I always wear on my days off. I just figured it got trendy.
- The nuclear plant up at the North Pole had a melt down and caused some weird mutations. We just woke up one morning and were all there. It was pretty freaky.
"Why are there 300 of you?"
Well, why is there only one of you?
"What is this?"
Apparently, there is this guy that lives at the North Pole who likes to give out gifts one day a year. We just thought it would be fun to dress like him and run amuck in this fair city. A bunch of drunk Santas. What's it look like to you?
DO address every Santa as Santa, in the first, second, and third person, singular and plural.
DO have something ready to hand out, even if it's just candy canes.
DO be ready for new adventure at a moment's notice. Santa is like a shark, and must keep moving in order to thrive.
DO uphold the hallowed tradition of Never Washing the Suit.
Twisting the holiday paradigm until it screams for mercy is fun! Getting arrested is not. Santa Claus is friendly, respectful, and cooperative with cops, security guards, park rangers, secret service agents, bouncers, and store owners and doesn't break any laws!!! "Disorderly Conduct" is not a city in China. Have your own special twisted fun, but DON'T FUCK IT UP FOR THE REST OF US! Our Santa’s do not destroy property, steal merchandise, or do harm to others. The authorities and local businesses usually take Santa's antics in the loving holiday spirit Santa intends, so be nice to them.